"Dear Juliette, Why can't I find love?" - Ethan T

Hi Lonely Ethan, I believe that capturing someone's heart and attention comes down to persistence, dedication and, of course, the correct technique. Never fear Ethan, for I am an expert at capturing the hearts and attention of many admirers, and I'm willing to share with you my secret for success.

I've found that lying across doorways or in the middle of high foot-traffic areas is an effective way of getting attention. I would recommend doing this for a minimum of 8 hours per day. After seven days, if you haven't captured the attention of at least one admirer, I'd try boosting your efforts by serenading passersby with sweet tunes from your favourite squeaky toy. I guarantee you, Ethan, that should do the trick!

All the best- Juju